In this case, you offered your love freely as long as you could, and then in the moment you needed to care for yourself, you set healthy boundaries.
Unconditional love means offering love without conditions in that moment. It does not necessarily mean forever. It means, "The love I am giving you right now is yours to keep.
I am doing it of my own free will. You owe me nothing in return. It also is the type of love that allows us to continually reassess the relationship and decide, over time, if it is still working for us and if we are still able to give our love so freely. The word unconditional can sometimes create confusion or lead us to place unrealistic expectations on ourselves and the way we love.
If it's easier, consider instead the idea of wholehearted love. Wholehearted loving means leaning into the vulnerability of offering our love because we want to offer it. Offering our love in this way means that we give it because it feels good to give it and not because we expect a particular outcome.
Wholehearted love also acknowledges and prioritizes the wholeness of both the people. To give wholehearted love, you must love your partner and yourself wholly. You will know it is wholehearted love when both people are willing to enter with their whole heart. When each person has a voice. When challenges are reflected upon. When growth happens.
When there is no scoreboard because you are on the same team and not on opposing teams. You will know it is not wholehearted love if there are strings attached, debts owed, and boundaries violated. You will especially know when you find that the basic expectations of love, kindness, and safety are not being respected.
If you're wondering what that kind of love looks like in practice , here are a few ways to love wholeheartedly:. Want your passion for wellness to change the world?
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Explore Classes. She received her master's in couples and and family therapy from Thomas Jefferson University. Last updated on February 16, What is unconditional love? What conditional love looks like. This "conditional love" might sound like:. We did everything for you, and now we are disappointed with your choice to be an artist. I would think you'd respect me more than that after all of the love I gave you. Is unconditional love healthy?
It is not healthy to offer love without boundaries. The problem with love without boundaries. You may have heard that it is unhealthy to make your life all about your partner, and this is true. You need friends, hobbies, and other interests besides your partner to balance yourself. Relying too much on your partner to fulfill all your needs can burn a relationship out, and frankly, it's unfair to your partner.
You need to take care of yourself so that your relationship becomes the cherry on top of the cake, as opposed to the whole cake. Once you ensure that your own needs have been met, then you have a much better chance of seeing your relationship blossom into one that is respectful and filled with love.
Unconditional positive regard for another is not sometimes fluid. It isn't just for parents and pets. Romantic love can become unconditional love, too - in fact, "true love" is synonymous with its unconditional form. You'll know you have this feeling for another person when you don't judge that person for his or her faults, and when you feel and express empathy when they've had a bad day.
Ultimately, it boils down to something you've heard all your life: you accept your partner when he or she is at their worst, and enjoy them when they're at their best. This is one of those bits of advice that are offered when you're trying to decide if the person you're with is the person to marry.
Unconditional positive regard means if they've seen you at your worst and they're still in love with you, that one's a keeper.
Every person will have a bad day, or sometimes be in a bad mood. We will all have our personal rough patches, which may lead to rough patches in your relationship. However, this means no matter what the future holds, you have the faith and confidence that you and your partner will support each other.
When you have unconditional love and are loved unconditionally, you don't feel the need to play head games with each other.
You know not to take it personally when they're in a bad mood, and you encourage them to talk about their feelings and offer them the patience and compassion they need to get through it. Above all, you know you're both in the unconditional love for the long haul and can't see yourselves ever being with anyone else. It means you feel safe with them, and them with you. It is easy to misconstrue the this meaning by interpreting it to mean that you're justified in loving your partner no matter how they badly they treat you.
While this may be unconditional love, it's also unhealthy. Your partner may feel this for you, too, but this does not give him or her carte blanche to abuse you, knowing that no matter how badly they treat you, you will always come back.
Healthy boundaries are essential to healthy relationships. If someone constantly violates your boundaries, then they do not love you unconditionally. Their love is contingent on their ability treat you however they want, without regard to your feelings.
Furthermore, if you feel as though you unconditionally love someone despite abuse, then this is not true unconditional love either. The love you feel is the result of the manipulation from the abuser and your own personal anxieties about life without them.
Unconditional love is meant to overlook the little annoyances in a relationship, like eating the last donut and leaving the empty box on the counter or forgetting to put the toilet seat down.
Unconditional love is not meant to forgive your partner being physically, emotionally, or verbally abusive toward you. If you are in an abusive relationship, it is important that you get help and get out.
Unconditional love is rooted in caring for another person and being cared for in return. It is not supposed to be a reaction to our partners out of an obligation to them because it is expected of us.
Maybe it brings to mind the love your parents have for you or the love you have for your own child. While people often associate unconditional love with familial love, many look for this love in romantic relationships, too. Wanting someone to love you for yourself — no matter what — is an understandable desire. Yet this type of love might still seem like the stuff of fairy tales and movies, not something most people encounter in real life.
A small study explored the brain regions activated by feelings of unconditional love. In other words, the simple act of loving someone unconditionally may produce positive feelings. Receiving unconditional love can also make a difference in emotional well-being.
According to research from , children who receive higher levels of affection from their parents or caregivers tend to have greater resilience in adulthood. They also tend to experience fewer mental health symptoms. Results from a study support the idea that loving children unconditionally improves their lifelong health and wellness. This suggests parental unconditional love could offer some protection against the harmful, often lingering effects of childhood trauma or abuse.
In the context of friendship , unconditional love might weather tests like conflict, falling out of touch, or differing life goals. Altruism refers to helpful actions taken to support and benefit others, often at your own expense.
You offer your love for their support and benefit. This is one point of contention in discussions of unconditional love in romantic situations.
Unconditional love, however, requires unconditional acceptance. So, you forgive mistakes and continue to offer love and acceptance, even — and this is important — if their choices distress you or cause harm. You can , however, love someone unconditionally without having a relationship with them.
Confusion and misconceptions about the true nature of unconditional love can seem to suggest this type of love reflects unhealthy or toxic relationship dynamics.
Conflict is normal and healthy in relationships. You might not stop loving them, but neither do you ignore the breach of trust. Depending on the circumstances, you might agree to work together on rebuilding trust and your savings , but you might also see no future in the relationship. You can walk away still holding forgiveness and love in your heart. No one person can provide another person with everything they need. Perhaps your partner says unkind things after drinking.
You want them to be happy, but what if quitting drinking and dealing with the issues that trigger the urge to drink would improve their health and help them find greater happiness? Blanket tolerance for harmful behavior can prevent them from making needed changes.
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