Meanwhile, ELLE is dark, moody, depressing, and offers stories about how much things suck through cautionary tales of soul-crushing disaster that you'd be lucky to avoid in your own life. It's an important difference. Cosmo would tell you explicitly how to have more fun than you already are. ELLE assumes your life is terrible and would tell you how to avoid making things worse.
That's if you read the articles. It's clear that ELLE is not intended to be actually read for content. I say that because the typography and graphic design of the magazine is the most reader-averse design I've yet to encounter in a major magazine. But that design emphasizes images over text and it's the images in the magazine that contribute most to its sinister atmosphere. I was really struck by the sheer volume of models who look not just emaciated, but broodingly sad in an actually emotionally depressed way.
I would be quick to blame this on the ads they run, which in a way is outside their control, but for the pics they snap to accompany what articles they have—and thus have direct control over—those models are just as visually unhappy as the ads next to them. No, it's clear what message ELLE is trying to convey: Don't read me, just look at these pictures of skeletally unhappy women. One example that pops to mind is their advice column which, if one goes by the picture, is written by a woman in her 50s writing as a chic urban hip woman of her 20s.
It doesn't work. It's like an medieval executioner wearing a bejeweled kitten broach. Sorry, the sparklies only draw more attention to the fact that you're hooded and carrying a large axe. That said, this month's issue has a spot-on line: Here's a hint: Whenever a chap reveals in fewer than characters that he's a douce, a mooch, and a boozer, cancel the date. In this not-so-distant past, Cosmo was one of the most accessible ways to learn about sex and relationships, and what it taught us was that snagging a man was only half the battle — the real challenge was keeping him interested.
The July issue tackles the gender pay gap, asks whether feminism and chivalry can coexist, and gives extensive advice on nailing an interview. I just read Cosmopolitan for the first time since I was 15 and it's the most anxiety-inducing thing pic.
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